Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
