if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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