Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it's like iHOP with fire
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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