I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
