perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
