Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My cat gives me a boner
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
