The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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