i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We smell like vodka and hangover
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