"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
