Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
