Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
