well I can't set my house on fire every night
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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