Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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