And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
