i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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