I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
