I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
