i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
