OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
