I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
