Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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