Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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