Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
