My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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