mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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