but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
