I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Panties = found
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
