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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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