When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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