I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
