I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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