Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
