Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
