i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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