I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
