I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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