my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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