Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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