he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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