But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
