no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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