So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
