whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Your penis caused this!
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