Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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