First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
