what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
