Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
