you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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