you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
