DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
