these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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