Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
