I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
