Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
