So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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