Pregnant stripper...not hot.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
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And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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