I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
