i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just cropdusted the office
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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