Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
