dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
