Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
