is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
