Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
