THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
