guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
