I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
