if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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