Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
